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yesterday at 10:30 am, my grandma passed away. i first heard the news while i was at work. Aiyi picked up the phone and told me that she was being sent to the emergency room since there was a chance she could still be alive and rescued. we rushed to plainview hospital, just as my dad and uncle, who flew in from China, arrived with us. My mom met us at the entrance and she was crying. I had never seen her before in such a state, except when grandpa passed away.

we went to grandma's room. at first i thought she was just sleeping, until i started to observe that she wasn't hooked to any machines. there was the stench that people give of when they die, and her lips looked different. my uncle was crying and holding her. i had to ask dad whether or not she was still alive. it made me feel like an idiot, or maybe it was because i was in denial.

these next few weeks are going to be hard. the wake will be tomorrow and the funeral is this weekend. i am amazed at my mom, despite suffering so much, she is able to pull through and make all the funeral arrangements like ordering flowers, contacting everyone, and so on.

the thing that hurts about my grandma's passing are the missed oppurtunities. i should have spent more time with her, played more of her favorite puzzle games, talked with her and learnabout what her life was like when she was in china and once she came to america. now there's nothing.

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